Don’t Take No!!

For years, I have been fighting the insurance for treatment that would help my C-ptsd. Finally, I received the letter from the insurance today that I can officially get the treatment I need without driving 2 hours or more.

I do not want to stop here. I am hoping that my new therapist will help me or an internet savvy person will help me to start a website. Someplace where people can go with this diagnosis to share resources. Where providers who may be willing to provide treatment pro Bono or on a reasonable sliding scale can meet potential patients.

Something has to change. There needs to be more awareness about this illness. Mote patients that do not keep taking the revolving door in and out of the psychiatric unit. Patients who are over medicated. Things need to change and I have a passion to do all I possibly can.

$8 Compared to $140

Do politicians and large companies really care about people? I have a hard time believing that they do. When I picked up a prescription the other day for my mental illness I looked at the fine print. The price my insurance had negotiated was $8. Affordable and would help with my symptoms.

I looked at the fine print and saw $140. I asked the tech who had to pay that much. Her response was people who are not insured or have a high deductible.

First, I want to approach the uninsured. If they are sick enough to become a patient in a mental health unit, they will receive medications. Those medications work and they are discharged. Now they are felling better and have less symptoms, yet the medication cost is out of reach. For this person it is a possibility that a cycle will begin when if provided with medications could be a productive citizen.

The next case is a high deductible. Someone diagnosed with any illness should be able to acquire their medications. Mental health meds are necessary to function. being told that you need something, have insurance, and yet cannot pay for the medication is wrong.

Why is big pharma willing to let me have the prescription for $8? If the company is willing to take that from me why can’t everyone be on a sliding scale for medications. We live in a country that seems to be able to hide the disparities between people and I cannot accept that any longer. Everyone deserves a minimum standard.

There is No Such Thing as a Simple Doctors Visit

Why does a person need all of these tests if they have any symptoms of an illness??? I really do not want nursing staff asking personal questions and then giving me the look.

We all know that look. How many medications we are taking or how many hospitals we have been in. Then there are the coexisting health issues that each doctor has to double and triple check. Why would I need to make up anything else and why would I want too?

Then there are the questions that they think they know the answers too. Substance use. Again, why? In fact I would get better inpatient treatment if I had that issue!! At least they disscuss the reasons that one has become reliant on self-medication.

By the time the doctor actually comes into the room, they go through a big sigh and make a big deal of sitting down. Don’t they know that I can tell they are not my therapist. I want to talk about the problem that brought me to this person. My psychiatric problems are handled by others, et they insist on asking about personal issues. I have learned to stay quiet. Normally, there is only a 15 minute time slot anyway.

Maybe if you read this, you will be able to laugh the next time at the doctors 🙂

Telehealth is a Great Idea, Yet Needs Some Help

COVID19 has brought many changes to all of our lives. I know as someone with a mental health issue I have had some interesting experiences. The first couple of times that I tried therapy over the internet, the signal was not so great and I could not hear half of the things that my therapist was saying. That was an easy fix. We now just have therapy directly moved the phone and we go over everything that I need to discuss as well as homework.

My psychiatrist has been the harder of the two. My outpatient psychiatrist has now become inpatient. During this time, I have had to work with a new psychiatrist. My medicines have been hard to keep track of without any appointments. Some have had refills, others did not have any left, and still other were questioned by the insurance company. This week, I am beginning to keep better track of what I need.

Having therapy while on the phone can be interesting. Cats are getting in my lap and meowing. The kitten is trying to eat all of the non food items in the house. Not to mention that I feel exposed. I like the office setting. I can take my artwork in and discuss what I have worked on. There is no way to do that over the phone.

I know that things will improve with time as all of the glitches are worked out. Maybe, I will finally be able to have a face to face session. Here is hoping that things go smoothly. Remember to use hotlines and reach out to others if you are struggling.

Getting Care for Complex PTSD is Near Impossible

Last year, I had Medicare. I was told that they did not cover any long term mental health care. This year, I have private insurance. I was hopeful that treatment would be covered. Instead, I have been met with the same obstacles as always. Since I do not have a substance abuse issue or an eating disorder, long term treatment is not available in network.

The places in the country that will accept my insurance out of network still want $10,000 or more for a deposit. I cannot afford that. I am not sure that many people could. Now, I am stuck without the level of care that I need. I know that I cannot be the only one out there struggling with this.

Mental health care in this country needs to change. It should be affordable for everyone, not just those who have thousands of dollars to put out up front.

New Year Straight Ahead

I am not one for making New Year’s resolutions. I cannot remember what I did yesterday. I do have goals that I would like to keep.

One, is that I see my kids as much as I can. They are all teenagers and it will not be long before their social life and calendar are full. I want to try to have meaningful conversations that will allow them to be successful.

I would also like to reconnect with people. I have spent so many years in the house, scared of everything around me. I would at least like to explore the area that we live in and some of the parks. I have seen deer near one of the parks. I wonder what else that I could see?

By dancing and taking courses that kept me active, I always got movement into my week. I need to try to exercise a couple days a week in order to maintain my health since I am not getting any younger.

Finally, I want to try to maintain my composure during stressful situations. I am not sure how that goal will go, yet I at least need to try. Next time that I write it will be 2020. Happy New Year!

Another Doctor!!!

A therapist, psychiatrist, general physician, and other specialists. Countless blood tests, MRI’s and other tests. Most come back normal. Some have shown things that do not relate to any of my symptoms.

Now, they want me to see a behavioral therapist. How will that help? Maybe I just need to give it a chance.

I am just tired of doctors who seem to be able to say I am sorry, yet I cannot help you out. Maybe one day that will change??

Where Do You Want to Go?

The above question was asked by my therapist. I loved nursing school and caring for others, yet my body would not let me finish. When I am out and hear someone speak negatively about someone who may be struggling I get upset and often say something.

I would like to work with addicts. People with addiction, often have trauma backgrounds and often need more than one round of treatment to recover. Recovery can be a life long struggle and can follow them so that they have problems with custody or employment.

I understand that. Having a mental illness has given me a different perspective. I have been in the hospital many times. Every time for a different reason. I have had to fight for my children because of my diagnosis. I have scars that I cannot erase and show even when it is not the best time. I have been asked to leave a graduate program because of my illness. I know about stereotypes and can empathize.

So, now I have to complete my research and see what I need to do to complete training and get a license to practice. This is what I wanted to do prior to moving. So, how do I get well enough to leave the house and move forward? That would be the new question.

Where to Turn?? *May Trigger**

Trauma. Suicidal thoughts. Self Harm. All three at once or separately they each suck.

I feel as if my doctors have thrown in the towel on me. I asked to go inpatient and was told no. I should know by now how to keep myself safe. I do not understand. If I am not safe and have been acting on impulses where do I turn? Where do I go too? I was told to go to the ER. I have done that in the past and once in the hospital, found that even the doctors did not know how to treat me.

I was given the name of my doctor who works on this specialized unit in order to be able to go back if I needed help. It has been three years since I was on the unit and am so disappointed in the way I have been treated.

I feel like I have cart blanch to act on my impulses. Nothing is going to be done if I do. I have many labels now. I wish that the doctors could see that I am a person not a label. That I am trying to work and use the techniques that I have learned over the years.

Right now I am lost. I hear my doctors saying they care, yet not doing anything. I was told yesterday that I am an adult and have every right to hurt myself! Who do I get to help me when the attitude is that I should just know better??

A Whole New Therapy

I really need to begin discussing the details of my trauma in therapy. Now that I do not live by my abusers, I feel like I can finally open up without having to worry about getting triggered on the ride home.

It has been a difficult decision not to call my mom, yet I know that it is for the best. She does not want to have anything to do with me.

I always tried to avoid what happened in therapy. I know that in order to get better I need to relive all of the feelings and details that I can remember.

I will be happy to start completing art work when I get the room finished. That should help some of my parts express themselves.