Sometimes “No” is not a word that I like very much. I may have fibromyalgia and chronic pain, yet I still want to live life.
Yesterday, in physical therapy, I decided that I would take the first step. My oldest is in his last year at his current school. Our relationship has always been rocky so when he asked me to go on his class trip, I was surprised and honored.
HIs class trip involves a lot of walking. I know that I need to do nothing the day before or the day after. So what did my doctor suggest. Boot Camp. He kicked my but yesterday, yet I felt like I actually accomplished something. Granted last night was a night for pain cream!!
So today, I will start with 10 minutes of walking and the exercises that he gave me. He said that if I keep up with my routine and add 5 minutes every three days that I can get up to an hour.
Right now, that mountain seems so far away. I know that if I work hard and keep at it that I will be able to climb up the mountain and have the feeling of accomplishment.
My kids have always been a great motivator in my life. I know that therapy, physical therapy, and all of the doctors are worth it when I see them. This has brought a drive to me that I have not had in a while.
I guess that today is the first day of camp!! I will keep everyone updated on the progress and hopefully in a month I will be on that field trip with my son.
I can still remember when my dance teacher told us that we would be able to go out and buy our first pair of point shoes. What an exciting and scary time! Going to the dance store, trying on shoes, and going up on point for the first time. Eventually, I would learn how to tie the ribbons and which point shoes fit me the best!
Then came the pain in my knee and the news that after knee surgery, I would not be able to dance any longer. That day was one of the hardest in my life. Dancing was everything to me. I loved the music, the shoes, the smell of the studio. At this point, I walked out of the studio where I had spent so many years and was not able to look back until recently. I am glad that I have reconnected after all of these years.
Fast forward to today. I had my second physical therapy appointment. Today’s appointment went well. I was able to learn a little more about my back and knee brace. The doctor seemed really interested in the service dog and my reasons for getting one. By the time I explained what all he could do, even he agreed that the service dog was the best choice for my situation.
I clearly cannot go back to nursing school when I cannot even stand straight. There are days that I wish that I already had my RN and could just take more classes, yet that is not going to happen at this point.
For right now, I know that I need to focus on my physical strength. Hopefully with the PT and the braces, I will be able to be a little more independent. I am not sure where my life is going to go. Then again, I think back to my first day on point shoes. My ankles felt like jello and my feet were bleeding. I pushed on though. I kept up and soon my feet were used to the blisters and pain.
Maybe this is the same way. It is going to take time and one day, my body will get used to how it is feeling right now. I will go through physical therapy as well as therapy for my mental illness. Hopefully, before this time next year, I will have a service dog.
Maybe in all of that time, I can figure out what I want to do with my life. Nursing is out, lifting heavy objects is out. I just need to start looking at what is in!